whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
