You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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