Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
