you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
