I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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