Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
