She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize