Can i not drive my cunt home
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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