My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All the doctor said was why
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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