You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
