were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Alive.
So much puke
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
