Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
