We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
