I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
