I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
