So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
