Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
