You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
