I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
