Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
