I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
