She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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