It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
