Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
