I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
