Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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