I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
