Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
