..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
