im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
