I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize