woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He passed out mid-signature
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
