TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
