"it" just moved
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
