hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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