i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
