My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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