ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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