Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
