I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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