Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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