I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can I color on your dick again?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
