i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
