Apparently you make a good broom.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
