hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize