sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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