Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
