Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
