then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize