i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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