i would punch a child for taco bell
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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