Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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