dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
