We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
