Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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