Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
