why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
