I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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