I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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