Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
