I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
