I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
