guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
