some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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