but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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