dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
