He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
