I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
